[Beeping]
[Snorting]
[Boom] - Ah!
Good heavens. [Alarm sounds]
- I almost forgot to turn on my sound machine.
[Birds squawking]
[Snoring]
Sync and correction by Mlmlte www.addic7ed.com
A WEB-DL synchronize and correction by jasonnguyen2606
Season 1 Episode 20 "Working Duck"
Original Air Date: November 1, 2011 on Cartoon Network
The bank lost over $10 million.
The security guard,
he lost his job.
I guess instead of catching Zs,
he should have been catching thieves.
Ha ha ha.
This is Elmer J. Fudd reporting.
[Turns TV off, whistles]
- $10 million?
Usually I'm the only one who pays for it
whenever Daffy gets fired.
[Slurps]
[Door opens and closes]
- Unbelievable!
Fired for sleeping on the job.
What's next?
You can't breathe on the job, either?
What do they think I am, a robot?
Do I look like a robot?
Am I made of metal?
Do I make robot noises and blink my robot lights?
Do I eat nuts and bolts for breakfast?
No.
I eat a breakfast burrito every day.
Name one robot that eats a breakfast burrito every day.
You can't!
And do you know why you can't?
Because robots don't have souls.
Now, can someone please tell me what
I was talking about?
- You know what?
This is good news.
Without a job,
I can do whatever I want
whenever I want to do it.
After all,
this is my house,
my rules.
[Slurps] - Uh, Daff,
this is my house.
And my rule is,
if you're gonna live here,
you have to pull your own weight.
- What does that mean?
- You know,
help out around here.
Do some chores,
pay for a few things.
- I do chores.
- No, you don't.
- Well, I pay for things.
- Like what?
- I bought leather socks the other day.
Red leather.
- Daffy, you got to get another job.
- Relax.
A guy like me?
I'll have a new job tomorrow.
- [Slurps]
- Guaranteed.
[Gulping]
Hmm.
- How's the job search coming?
- Uh, I'm still working on my résumé.
Let me just close this.
I mean, it's under this.
[Mouse clicking]
It's right here.
Here's my résumé.
Nope.
Ok, here's my résumé.
Oh, sorry.
That was definitely not my résumé.
[Clicking continue]
Here is my résumé.
- "Daffy Shelton Duck.
Education:
None.
References:
None.
Skills:
None.
Work experience:
Let's not go there."
Are you a complete nitwit?
- No, I'm a dunderhead.
At least according to this Internet IQ test.
- Daffy, for the past 3 months,
I've been pulling your weight
because I thought you were looking for a job.
- Why would I look for a job if you're pulling my weight?
- So what you're saying is.
I'm enabling you.
- You're not enabling me.
You're simply shielding me from the consequences
of my own self-destructive behavior.
- I think you're right.
And I'm not gonna do it anymore.
Daffy, for your own good.
I'm kicking you out.
- What?!
Well, guess what?
You can't kick me out
because I am leaving.
- Good.
- Great.
I'll go get my stuff.
- OK.
- Even if they get back the 5 yards,
they're still looking at a 50-yard field goal.
- Ahem.
- In this wind, that is no sure thing...
- I'm going.
I'm really going.
- [Changes channel] - Miller drops back to pass,
and here comes...
- I packed my suitcase,
and I'm going.
- That's my suitcase.
- Well, then I'll just take my stuff.
- That's my stuff.
- I don't need your stuff.
I don't need you.
I can make it on my own just fine.
So I'm going.
I'll see you around.
See you on the flip side.
[Door open and creak] I am going.
Right now.
I'm...
Gone.
[Door creak and close]
G-
O-
N.
Gone.
[TV playing indistinctly]
- Arrivederci.
- [Scoffs]
I don't need no roommate telling me to pull my weight.
I don't need no job.
I don't need none of that jive.
I'm Daffy Duck!
You hear that, world?
I take care of myself.
[Knocks on door]
[Door open and creaks]
Please take care of me.
[Sobbing]
[Sobbing continue]
[Straining]
- What are you doing?
- Pulling my own weight.
[Straining]
- I got you a job.
It requires no experience,
no references, or skills of any kind.
You start tomorrow at Enormocorp.
- Enormocorp?
The fifth largest conglomerate in the world?
Do you really think I have what it takes to be a CEO?
No.
You'll be pushing a muffin cart.
- Do you really think I have what it takes to push a muffin cart?
Look out, Enormocorp,
today I have a muffin cart,
but someday, I just might have the corner office.
[Scatting]
- Ooh.
May I interest you in a muffin?
- No.
- Come on.
I have a delicious banana nut
with just a hint of cinnamon.
Not so much cinnamon that it's overpowering,
of course, but just enough to let you know it's there.
- I said no.
- Chocolate chip muffin? - No.
- Come on,
you deserve it.
- I'm on the phone.
- You want one?
No?
Muffin?
Ugh.
This is pointless.
I'm not cut out for work.
I should just be stay-home mom.
I mean, look at these people.
This is how they want to spend their days?
Taking orders from this guy?
- When I, I say, when I took over Enormocorp 10 years ago,
I vowed,
I say, I vowed to make Enormocorp
a world leader in industry.
- I say, I say.
I'm a big fat rooster
and I run the company.
Look at me with my big fat finger wound
like I'm the boss of you.
I run this...
- What, I say,
what is going on here?
- I say, I say.
Ha ha ha!
Hoo hoo!
Ha ha...
- Get in here.
Yes, you.
Who do you think you are?
- The muffin man.
- And what do you got here?
- Muffins.
- Son, do you...
I say, do you know what I'm thinking?
- I know what I'm thinking.
- I'll tell you what I'm thinking.
I'm thinking that's a blueberry muffin.
I love me some muffins.
Why, land sakes,
lemon poppy seed.
Mmm.
My grand mammy used to make a lemon poppy seed.
But those old poppy seeds love to get all
stuck in your teeth now, don't they?
[Gasps]
Is that a jam-filled?
Oh, my stars,
it is!
It is a jam-filled!
You know, as a boy,
I used to suck the jam out with a straw.
True story, that is.
But, you know,
I keep going back to the...
I say, I keep going back to that blueberry.
- Just pick one.
[All gasp]
- Son, I'm gonna tell you something.
You got...
I say you got chutzpah.
- I got what?
- I'm surrounded, I say,
I'm surrounded by bootlickers and toadies, stooges and suck-ups.
I'm talking about you, too, Carol.
But you, I say, you, you're not like these other lackeys.
They tell me what I want to hear.
You tell me what I need to hear.
Well, son, what do you have to say?
Maybe you ought to lay off the muffins for a while.
[All gasp]
- Heh heh heh.
- Ha ha ha!
[Laughing continue]
- Come with me, muffin man.
Now, let's see about getting you a corner office.
- Hmm.
That happened even faster than I thought.
- ♪ Pizzarriba! ♪
♪ Pizzarriba! ♪
- ♪ Come to Speedy's pizza place and put both your feet up ♪
♪ Bring 100 friends with you there's plenty of room ♪
♪ I'll bring you more pizza than your tummy can eat up ♪
♪ Once you taste my pizza, your taste buds will go boom ♪
- ♪ Pizzarriba! ♪
♪ Pizzarriba! ♪
- ♪ I read all your comment cards and take in your feedback ♪
♪ Of all the things you're looking for in a pizza place ♪
♪ So step into the kitchen where my cousin Gustavo♪
♪ Is helping launch my restaurant into cyberspace! ♪
♪ That's right! We have a website ♪
♪ just like you all requested ♪
♪ Now you can go online and order from your PC ♪
♪ if you can just bear with us,♪
♪ our connection is spotty ♪
♪ I swear it will be worth it to get pizza from me ♪
♪ So please be patient ♪
- ♪ Pizzarriba! ♪
♪ Pizzarriba! ♪
- Wow.
Is this thing still loading, Gustavo?
- Si, 88%.
- Oh, there it goes.
We're almost up! - [Beeps]
- Wait.
Did it freeze again?
Gustavo, you got to be kidding me, man!
You said you were good with computers!
- ♪ Pizzarriba! ♪
- No, I said I had a computer.
- ♪ Pizzarriba! ♪
- [Beeps] - Oh, here we go, it's up!
- ♪ Pizzarriba! ♪
- I told you I could do it.
- ♪ Pizzarriba! ♪
- You spelled it wrong!
- ♪ Pibbarriza! ♪
- What is Pibba?
♪ It's Pizzarriba! ♪
- Not according to your website.
- You're running from me?
You are running from me. I'm Speedy Gonzales!
Speedy is in my name!
I'm the fastest.
Ever!
- And that's why I don't wear clothes.
- [Chuckles]
I can learn a lot from you, boy.
[Chuckles]
- Sir, we're hearing that Murphy doesn't want to sell.
Do we withdraw our offer or attempt a hostile takeover?
- Hmm.
That's a tough...
I say, that's a tough question.
Withdraw our offer,
or attempt a hostile takeover.
Hmm.
- Man. What is wrong with you?
Just go with your gut.
You got a big enough one.
- My gut, huh?
- [Groans]
Hostile takeover.
- You heard... I say,
you heard the muffin man...
Hostile takeover.
- So, where you taking me to lunch?
I think I'll let you make the decisions from now on.
Lemon meringue or Tiramisu?
- We'll take the whole cart.
- Pomeranian or Pekingese?
- Cheetah.
World's fastest land animal.
- Renee or Annabel?
- The one wearing glasses.
You look smarter.
- Well, Daffy, what do you think...
I say, what do you think of Enormocorp?
- I don't know.
It's fine?
- I'm happy... I say,
I'm happy to hear you say that,
because it's yours.
- What?
- I've been... I say,
I've been wanting to hand over the company for some time now,
and there's only one kind of man I trust to run Enormocorp...
A muffin man.
And I should know.
After all,
I was once a muffin man myself.
[Chuckles]
Later, gator.
Remember... I say,
remember these words, son!
You can always trust a muffin man!
[Bell dings]
- Good morning, Mr. Duck.
- Hold my calls, Carol.
[Slam door]
Hold my calls!
I've always wanted to say "hold my calls."
And now, someone's holding my calls!
Who's calling me?
I don't know!
I don't care!
I'm CEO.
CEO of Enormocorp!
Ahh.
Now, what will be my first official act as CEO?
[Seagulls crying and ocean roaring]
- Ohh.
That's the stuff.
[Bell dings]
[Typing]
- I'm not sure if you can help me.
I'm visiting a friend of mine.
He just started working here.
- What's his name?
- Daffy Duck.
- Oh, Mr. Duck.
He's in the corner office.
- Corner office?
You guys must really love your muffins around here.
- Mr. Duck is the CEO of Enormocorp.
- That makes sense.
- [Snoring]
[Slam door] Whoo!
- I see you finally found a job where they pay you to sleep.
- They don't pay me to sleep.
[Seagull cries]
- What do they pay you to do?
- To run the place.
- Daffy, you don't even know how to run the dishwasher.
- That's because you do it for me.
We've been through this!
I don't need your help anymore.
Why is my personal growth so threatening to you?
- Daff... - No.
That's something for you to discuss with a therapist.
I'm at work right now.
I...I can't be doing this.
- [Door opens] - Mr. Duck.
I'm sorry to interrupt.
- See?
At work!
Talk to me.
- Sir, the markets have turned.
Should we delay the merger or proceed as planned?
- Delay the merger.
- I think that's the right decision.
- Wait.
Proceed as planned.
- Proceed as planned.
- Delay the merger.
- Which one?
- I don't know!
I'm not used to being the guy who's asked to make a decision!
I'm used to standing next to the guy who's asked to make a decision!
That's when I can make a decision!
I need that big, fat rooster!
Big, fat rooster!
Do I delay the merger, or proceed as planned?
- Always trust a muffin man!
- Sir, we need a decision.
- I'll be right back.
- How you doing?
- Muffin man.
- Hey, Daffy.
- This is very important.
Do we delay the merger or proceed as planned?
- Oh, right.
This is the guy to ask.
- Hmm.
Hmm. Let's see.
Uh, proceed as planned.
- You heard the muffin man.
Do not delay the merger.
Proceed as planned.
- You're sure?
- I've never been more sure of anything in my entire life.
- Whoa.
Thanks for watching my muffin cart.
- No problem.
- Ooh.
I would have delayed the merger.
- Yep.
Me, too.
Mmm.
Blueberry.
- [Whimpers]
[Beeping]
[Aircraft approaches]
Beep beep!
[Beeps]
Beep beep!
[Clinks]
[Squeaking]
[Cracking]
[Squeaking]
Beep beep!
[Clinks]
[Squeaking]
- After what is now being called
"The worst business decision in the history of business".
Enormocorp has gone out of business.
As a result,
more than 100,000 have lost their jobs,
and experts fear the world economy could collapse.
Disgraced CEO Daffy Duck could not be reached for comment.
[Turn off TV]
- Ugh.
If I'd have known all that was going to happen,
I'd have kept enabling you.
- Well, at least I learned a big lesson.
- What's that?
- When I pull my own weight,
I pull a lot of stuff down with me.
Whoa! - [Crashing]
- Whoa! Oh! Whoa!
[Glass shatters]
- Call Dr. Weisberg.
Sync and correction by Mlmlte www.addic7ed.com
A WEB-DL synchronize and correction by jasonnguyen2606
[WB shield open]
- Can I interest you in the muffin?
I ate half of it.
I not very good.
- And this looks like it's going to be about a 38 yard field goal.
And Dallas better--
[Changes channel]
- What are you doing?
I was watching the game.
- "Off Duty Cop" marathon.
- I knew it!
You're a cop!
- I'm an off duty cop.
- Oh, brother.
- Aah!
Hot coffee!
- You know what's great with hot coffee?
- Coffee cake?
- No.
Coffee kick.
[Crowd cheering]
- Turn it back.
Unless you want a coffee kick.
You asked for it.
[Grunts]
[Crash]
I've got to get a stunt man.
Sync and corrected by www.addic7ed.com.
Another WEB-DL synchronize and correction by jasonnguyen2606
- The field goal is up,
and it's good!
- Yes!
We're going to the playoffs!
[Drill whirring and pounding]
[Sawing]
[Drill whirring and pounding]
- What is this?
- Goal post.
Well, I get to kick a field goal at halftime
at this weekend's playoff game.
If I make it,
I get a million dollars.
- Forget the million dollars.
You get to go to the game?
- I don't care about football!
'cause I got to get to practicin'.
- Uh, you do realize
if you actually make a field goal,
It'll go right through my window.
- Well, then you better get the window repairman on the line.
'cause I'm about to bust some glass.
[Kick ball]
[Glass break]
- You want me to go ahead and get that window repairman on the line?
Season 1 Episode 21 "French Fries"
Original Air Date: November 8, 2011 on Cartoon Network
- I have some exciting news.
- You finally got a girlfriend.
- Ah, no, I--
- OK, hot plates, hot plates coming in.
Fettuccini Alfredo,
a personal pan pizza,
and the meatball sub.
- Hey, Speedy, Porky's finally got a girlfriend.
- Ooh!
Good for you, Pinky.
I thought you were going to be one those always lives alone guys,
who just gets more and more desperate
until he alienates the few friends that he has.
And then he's just alone.
So what a relief for you.
Now when can we meet this new girlfriend?
- Ugh.
[Stammering] I don't have a girlfriend.
- Well, stay in the game, Pinky.
But maybe you should think about growing a beard.
You got so much...
Face.
- That was your exciting news,
That you don't have a girlfriend?
- No!
I got us playoff tickets.
- What?!
How did you get tickets?
They've been sold out for weeks!
- My uncle works in the league office.
- Porky, I can't believe we're going to the playoffs!
- I'm picking up the tickets this afternoon.
- You know, I've never said this before,
But fang gu.
- You mean "Thank you".
- Is that how it's pronounced?
Well then, thanggg you.
- There's no two people I'd rather go with.
[Heart beating]
- My friendship with Porky is over!
- What?!
- He ate my french fries!
- What french fries?
- The ones that came with my sandwich!
- He probably thought they were for the table.
- They were not for the table.
They were my fries.
They came with my sandwich.
You want fries.
Order fries.
But you do not take someone else's fries.
That is a garbage move!
Porky is a piece of garbage.
- Don't you think you're being a little dramatic?
I am not being dramatic!
Now, if you'll excuse me,
I'm going to walk myself home.
That's right,
walk home through this unsavory neighborhood
where I'll surely be sat upon
by ruffians and miscreants,
street hustlers and road monkeys.
None of whom,
by the by,
Come close
to being the kind of garbage
that is Porky Pig.
Now good day, sir!
[Siren in distance]
- Bugs?
[Honks horn]
- Hey.
I fixed your window.
That'll be $170.
- Bill me.
I'm about to be a millionaire.
Hyah!
[Tires squealing, glass breaking]
[Truck beeping]
- Uh-oh.
[Grunting]
[Thud]
- [Dog growling] - [Yelling]
Down, boy! Down!
Whoa! Nice doggies!
Ow! Ow! Ooh ho!
Cowboy down!
[Door open and close] [Munching]
- Don't you know when someone's being dramatic?
[Telephone rings]
- It's Porky.
- Hide your french fries.
- Hey, Pork.
- I just picked up the tickets.
Our seats are even better than we thought.
- Oh, that's great.
Daffy, Porky got the tickets.
- Tell that piece of garbage
that he can keep his garbage tickets.
- What did he say?
- He didn't say anything.
It was nothing.
- It was not nothing!
I definitely said something.
- What's wrong with Daffy?
- I guess you ate some of his fries.
- What?
- Daffy's mad at you because you ate some of his fries.
- I thought they were for the table!
- He thought they were for the table.
- They were not for the table!
- Relax!
He just got us playoff tickets.
- Let me talk to him.
- He wants to talk to you.
- I'm not talking to him.
I'm not talking to you!
You ate my fries!
- I thought they were for the table!
- Did you pay for those fries?
Because if you didn't,
then you don't get any fries!
- Uh, I did pay for the fries.
I bought everybody lunch.
- Oh!
So you think that if you pay for a meal,
Then you get to eat everyone's food.
Well, remind me to never pay for anyone's meal.
- You never pay for anyone's meal.
- That's because I have class.
But none of this matters
because I am not talking to you!
[Beeping]
- How do you hang this up?
Tell him good-bye.
No, I'm not talking to him.
Tell him I didn't say good-bye.
- Porky, don't listen to Daffy.
All that matters is you got the tickets
and we're all going to the game.
So what if you ate a few of his fries?
- His fries?!
You're on Daffy's side?
- No, I'm not on anybody's side.
- You know what?
Forget about the tickets.
No one's going to the game!
[Beep]
[Glass shatters]
[Grunting]
[Thud]
[Dogs growling]
- Aw, not again!
Ahh!
[Tearing photos]
[Door open and close]
- What are you doing?!
- What does it look like I'm doing?
I'm putting the garbage in the garbage can.
[Tear photo]
Those are pictures of me!
- Well, you only had two photos of Porky,
But by then it was too late.
I was on a roll.
- Daffy, you've got to apologize to Porky.
- Why?
Because he's done so much for me over the years?
Because he's shown himself to be a
generous person of tremendous character
and integrity,
And it's petty of me to hold a grudge
Over a tiny,
harmless misunderstanding?
- No,
because I want to go to the game.
- Well, you can forget about the game,
because I'm not apologizing.
- He thought they were for the table!
- Oh!
So now you're taking his side?
- I'm taking his side.
I'm not taking your side.
There are no sides.
It's french fries!
- This isn't about french fries!
This is about morals!
- You don't have morals!
- Well, then I guess it's about french fries!
[Slam door]
That's my room.
[Glass breaking]
- Your room, your problem.
- Wow!
Thank you.
- Don't thank me.
Thank Daffy.
It's from him.
- Really?
- He feels terrible about what happened.
- But how come he didn't bring it over?
- He was too ashamed.
He couldn't face you.
But he wrote you a card.
Here, read it.
- "Dear Porky,
I'm so sorry.
You were right,
I was wrong.
The french fries were for the table."
- "Dear Daffy,
I'm so sorry.
You were right.
I was wrong.
They were your french fries."
- "I hope we can put this all behind us,
go to the game,
and be friends again
at the game.
In friendship, Daffy Duck."
- "In friendship, Porky Pig."
- So what do you say?
Can we let bygones be bygones and all go to the game?
- Of course we can.
I mean, just look at this incredible gift basket.
- I guess we can.
But you've got to admit, that's a lame gift basket.
22, 23, 24.
There's only 25 people in front of us.
We're almost inside!
Playoffs!
- Daffy, I'm really glad we settled things.
- Well, it took a big man to admit they were wrong.
- I couldn't agree more.
- Great!
Everyone agrees.
Took a big man,
there's no need to talk about it anymore,
because we're only
16, 17, 18 people away from the big game!
- That was a really nice gift basket.
- You know, the thing about gift baskets
is they're so much nicer when you don't talk about them.
- I don't know about really nice.
I mean, once you take off the ribbons, the bows and all the straw.
It's just a couple of scented candles and some weird fruit.
- Whatever it is,
it's over,
It's done,
we've moved on,
and we're
9, 10, 11 people away,
so let's just silently bide our time.
- Well, regardless, it's the thought that counts.
- I agree.
- So, thank you.
- For what?
- The gift basket.
- What gift basket?
- We're 2 people away.
Let's talk about this when we get inside.
- The one you gave me.
- You gave me a gift basket.
- Why would I give you a gift basket?
- Just give me your ticket.
- For eating my fries!
- We're holding up the line.
- I thought they were for the table!
- They came with my sandwich.
- So you didn't give me a gift basket?
- No!
You got me a gift basket.
- I didn't give you a gift basket!
- I got the gift baskets!
I don't care about the french fries!
I just want to go to the game!
- Well, no one's going to the game! [Tearing tickets rapidly]
No!
- I wouldn't want to go to a game with a piece of garbage, anyway!
- Here's my ticket.
Kind of a long story.
They had a fight.
French fries.
- ♪ When the snow flurries swirl ♪
♪ And we're all filled with cheer ♪
♪ It's time to celebrate ♪
♪ My favorite holiday of the year ♪
You know which one I'm talking about?
Presidents' Day!
♪ It's Presidents' Day,
and it's time to reflect ♪
♪ On this wonderful man
that we elect ♪
♪ Abraham Lincoln and
George Washington ♪
♪ Thomas Jefferson and
Alec Baldwin ♪
♪ Celebrate
Oscar de la Hoya ♪
♪ He fought off the British
so they would not annoy ya ♪
♪ Raise the flag,
the stars and stripes ♪
♪ Our 41st President,
Wesley Snipes ♪
♪ Charles Nelson Reilly won the war
with the help of his mighty Vice President,
Thor. ♪
♪ We were in trouble at
the Battle of Manila ♪
♪ But lucky for us, we had
President Godzilla ♪ [Roaring]
Thanks, President Godzilla.
♪ My country,
tis of thee ♪
♪ Sweet land of
Mr. T
and Mrs. T. ♪
♪ They did so much for us ♪
♪ Like President
Spartacus ♪
♪ Who chopped down a forest ♪
♪ So we can have
softer toilet paper ♪
OK, this is really soft.
And now, let's salute one of our greatest presidents.
President Johnson.
[Ding] Oh, no.
No, not that one.
[Ding] No, no, sorry, not him.
Oh, there he is! [Ding]
♪ So celebrate
our fearless leaders like
Harrison Ford and
his VP, Derek Jeter ♪
♪ And let's not forget.
President Pacino ♪
♪ Who fought at the Alamo with
Robert de Niro ♪
♪ Celebrate,
everyone's dancin' ♪
♪ For the first woman president,
Scarlett Johansson ♪
♪ Presidents' Day. ♪
♪ Yeah
Oh oh yeah oh oh... ♪
Oh, my gosh, I just sounded exactly like
President Christina Aguilera.
That is so crazy.
- Somebody park this thing.
Excuse me. Pardon me.
Uh, would you mind just lifting your foot a little bit?
I think you're standing on a piece of my ticket.
Oh, nope.
Now you're standing on my hand.
[Grunts]
- Excuse me, coming through.
VIP.
Million dollar VIP.
Sam?
- Mehh, what's up, neighbor?
- Out of my way!
I got a field goal to kick.
- Well, good luck.
You're going to need it!
- What's that supposed to mean?
- Well, if I only had one chance to win a million dollars,
I'd want luck on my side.
And you know, nothing's luckier than a rabbit's foot.
- Ooh!
You'd be willing to part with it?
- No, you idiot!
Take me in there with you.
- Oh, right.
Where do you think you're going?!
- Watch the game.
- Uh-uh.
You and them lucky feet ain't leaving my side
till I kick that ball through them uprights.
A deal's a deal.
[Whistle blows, crowd cheering]
- Fine.
But after you kick the ball,
I'm kicking you to the curb.
- Ugh, I should have just taken his foot.
[Crowd cheering on TV]
- And Dallas better be careful here,
because New York's been better than anyone in the league at
blocking field goals. [Bell ring]
- Oh, hey, Pinky.
Table for one?
- I can get a girlfriend any time I want.
- Whoa-ho, easy!
Why are you so defensive?
Maybe that's why you don't have a girlfriend.
Ummm.
No, it's that face.
Start growing a beard, man.
- Can I just get a table?
- Unfortunately, we don't have any tables available.
Packed house for the game.
If you want, there's a seat at the counter.
[Indistinct chatter]
- Great.
- Without question,
I have the worst seat in the stadium.
[Panting]
- Five minutes till halftime.
You know, you're missing an incredible game.
[Crowd cheering]
[Whistle blows]
- Ugh!
[Grunting]
- You're not wearing cleats?
- Heh!
These dudes are my secret weapon.
A pointed toe makes the ball fly through.
- You're going to slip.
You've got to wear cleats.
- Oooh, I see what's going on!
You're jealous of me.
You don't want me to win a million dollars.
- I'm not jealous of you.
- Well, too bad for you,
'cause the bootsies is staying on the tootsies.
Come on, rabbit.
Bring your feet.
- [Sighs]
Finally!
I'm gonna see some action!
[Crowd cheering]
- What's happening, what's happening?!
[Whistle blows] - What happened?!
- Touchdown!
[Groaning]
- Whoa!
Should have worn cleats.
- Why you razzle fra--
Uh, pardon me, doll, but
may I borrow your nail file?
[Crowd cheering on TV]
- Oh, I'm sorry.
Is this for the table,
or is it just for you?
- I'm not talking to you.
- Well, I'm not talking to you.
- Too late.
You just talked to me.
- Real mature, Daffy.
- Daffy!
- Stop copying me. - Stop copying me!
- Daffy, stop it! - Daffy, stop it!
- I'm serious! - I'm serious!
[Both sigh]
- And it's halftime.
Now let's go back down on the field,
As one lucky fan will get a chance to kick
A field goal for a million dollars.
- Are you wearing cowboy boots?
- Cowboy cleats!
[Chuckles]
Come on, feet!
Lucky, lucky feet.
- All right, just kick the ball
so I can watch the second half.
- [Screaming]
[Screams continue]
- Oh!
You hate to see that happen.
Gawww!
Oh, oh, oh, oh!
- Hey, he should have worn more appropriate shoes.
Can I get you anything else?
- I never got my side of fries.
- What side of fries?
- The fries that come with the meatball sub.
- Fries don't come with the meatball sub.
- They did last time.
- No, they didn't.
I just gave them to you guys compliments of the house.
You know, for the table.
- Well, that answers that question.
You gonna eat that?
- Is that Señor Bugs?
- Ahh!
That hurts so bad!
Mommy!
- Well, someone's got to kick it.
[Kick ball] [Crowd cheering]
[Whistle blows]
- Huh, I guess these feet are lucky after all.
[Crowd cheering]
- I can't believe you gave the million dollars to char-ity.
- You mean "charity".
- Oh.
Is that how it's pronounced?
- Hey, look over there.
- Porky got a girlfriend?
How?!
[Giggles]
- I was right about the beard, huh?
Maybe I should grow one.
Sync and corrected by www.addic7ed.com
Another WEB-DL synchronize and correction by jasonnguyen2606
[WB shield open]
-That's all, folks [Kick ball]
[Glass break]
[Doorbell rings]
[Door open]
- Hey.
- What?
- Oh. Uh, I thought maybe we could hang out.
- Can't. Got a date with Tina.
- Well, maybe I'll see what Bugs is doing.
- Whatever.
[Whistling]
- Porky?
- Hi, Bugs.
- What are you doing here?
- I thought maybe we could hang out.
- Oh, I can't.
I got a date with Lola.
- Uh, oh, OK.
I'd ask you if you wanted to hang out,
But you probably have a girlfriend, too.
- I don't got a girlfriend.
- Oh!
You wanna hang out?
- Not really.
[Door closes]
- Uh, you wanna hang out?
Sure.
What do you wanna do?
Oh, I don't know.
What do you wanna do?
Oh, I'm pretty easy.
Whatever you wanna do.
It--it doesn't matter to me.
I'm up for anything.
Are you hungry?
We could get something to eat.
Ooh, where do you want to go?
I don't know.
You want to go to Tutty's?
I don't know.
I don't really like Tutty's.
[Door opens and closes] How can you n-not like Tutty's?
- Let's just go to Pizzarriba.
Well, OK, when you put it that way...
I'm glad we're friends.
Me, too.
Sync and corrected by www.addic7ed.com
Another WEB-DL synchronize and correction by jasonnguyen2606
Season 1 Episode 22 "Beauty School"
Original Air Date: November 15, 2011 on Cartoon Network
- I'm just so sick of my job.
- Mm-hmm.
- Would you like dessert?
- Just the check.
- It's like they keep telling me,
"Tina, as soon as The Junior Assistant Manager Position opens up,
it's yours."
So then The Junior Assistant Manager Position opens up,
And what do they do?
They give it to Brian.
- Mm. Brian.
- I don't know. Maybe I should quit.
- Mm-hmm, quit.
Makes sense to me.
- If my sister went to beauty school.
Maybe I should do that.
Get my cosmetology license.
What do you think?
[Clears throat]
- Anything you decide,
I will be there
to support you,
because that's what I do,
support you.
- I'll get it.
- You know what? I think we will have dessert.
- What can I get you?
- Eh, two cheese and mushroom pizzas,
two milkshakes,
And two orders of calamari.
- Ooh, good for you, Pinky!
You got a girl coming?
- No, it's just for me.
- You need some help, man.
Lucky for you, I have just the thing.
- You teach dance classes?
- What, you think I'm just a pizza guy?
- I teach upstairs,
Monday nights.
Trust me, women love men who can dance.
Hmm.
[Doorbell rings]
[Gasps]
- You killed your boss!
- What?
- I knew you were upset at work,
But I didn't think you'd take it this far.
I mean, not that I blame you.
Who among us hasn't considered murder as a means of settling a dispute?
I mean, heh, I certainly have.
Where's the body?
I'll help you get rid of it.
- Daffy, this is a wig head.
Today was my first day of beauty school.
- So no one got murdered?
Lame.
[Explosions and gunfire on TV]
- Sorry I have to spend date night doing my homework.
- Oh, is tonight date night?
Don't worry about it.
You'll buy me dinner next time. We'll call it even.
[Gunfire on TV]
- Aw!
Too short.
[Screaming on TV]
- What are you doing?
- Trying to cut bangs.
Dah!
It's impossible!
- Here, let me see.
There you go.
- How did you do that?
- I don't know. I just did it.
- You think you could also do a bob and a French braid?
- So what do you wanna see?
- Oh, I don't know.
Aliens?
- Isn't that an old movie?
- It's a movie?
[Cell phone rings]
- Hello?
- Hey, Bugs.
- Who is it?
- Guess what?
I signed up for Speedy's dance classes.
- Wow.
- What?
- Yeah.
He says women love a man who can dance,
So I figured what do I have to lose?
- That sounds great.
- What sounds great?
The only thing is the flyer says you have to bring a partner.
- So?
- So what?
So I was wondering if you'd be my partner.
- Me?
- What about you?
- Wouldn't you rather ask a woman?
- What woman?!
- I don't know any women.
That's why I'm taking the dance class.
- I don't know.
- What don't you know?
- Never mind.
It was a dumb idea anyway.
I guess I just figured since you and Daffy had girlfriends...
[Sighs]
It's OK, though.
I'm used to being alone.
- No, wait.
I'll do it.
- Do what?
- Really?
Oh, wow.
I can't thank you enough.
See you Monday night!
[Beep] - There, I'm off the phone.
Now we can talk.
- What do you wanna talk about?
Ooh, you wanna talk about aliens?
- Couldn't you do this on a wig head?
- No. Head down.
Bobs are very intricate.
I need to see how the hair moves.
Shake it out for me.
Stand up for me.
It's impossible to evaluate with you in that shapeless smock.
Maybe this will give the illusion of a waistline.
Oof, you are one ugly woman,
but that haircut's got class.
[Gasps] Class!
Porky's gonna kill me!
Wait! Tina still needs a French braid!
- I am such a good girlfriend.
Dropping by uninvited without calling first, guys love that!
[Door opens]
Who is that ugly woman leaving Bugs' house?
[Gasps] She's getting in Bugs' car?
Is Bugs cheating on me?
[Horns honking]
[Car alarm beeping]
You're not gonna get away from me.
I will follow you until I found out who you are.
I won't rest until I get to the bottom of this.
Ooh, is that a cupcake store?
[Tires squeal]
[Bell rings]
[Indistinct chatter]
- Sorry I'm late.
- Bugs?
Wh-why are you dressed like a woman?
- Huh?
Ah. Daffy was practicing cutting hair.
- Nice bob.
You make kind of an ugly woman, though.
- Why does everybody say that?
I think I look beautiful.
- Pinky, who's your dance partner?
She's such a beautiful woman.
- Wh-what?
Oh, no, it--
- [High-pitched voice] Kathy. Finally, someone with some taste.
- Mwah.
- [Normal voice] Told you I was beautiful.
- What are you doing here?
- I couldn't wait. How did we do?
- We got a "C".
- What?
Did you tell them it was because I had to do it on a wig head?
- No, it's because I didn't turn in the bob.
- Bugs.
What's tonight's homework?
- A perm.
- A perm? What is this, 1984?
Mm, her hair's very fine.
It's not gonna be easy.
I'll definitely need some volumizer.
You know what? This isn't your problem.
I'll figure something out.
[Gears grind]
[Knocks on door strongly]
- Oh, hey, Lo--
- Who is she?
- Who?
- That ugly woman I saw leaving your house and driving your car.
- First of all,
she's not ugly,
and second of all,
that was me.
- Say what?
- It's very simple.
Tina's going to beauty school,
but Daffy's doing her homework for her,
so I was wearing a wig that he was cutting
when I remembered that I was late for a dance class
that I agreed to take with Porky.
- How dumb do you think I am?
I'm gonna be watching you.
You hear me?
Watching you.
Like a hawk.
[Crashes] I'm watching you.
Ow! [Hissing]
[Car alarm beeping]
Where'd that come from? [Car alarm stops]
[Sigh] Watching you!
[Music playing]
- Where did you get that dress?
- I thought Kathy deserved something a little nicer than a smock.
Ooh, and look how pretty it twirls!
[Music stops]
- All my years of teaching,
I have never seen such grace,
such beauty on the dance floor.
- Th-thank you!
- I was talking to Kathy.
Too bad I have a strict rule about dating my students. Heh.
- [High-pitched voice] Ha ha ha ha! Good thing for that rule.
- Okey dokey, everyone. I'll see you next week.
- You sure will.
I'm gonna practice every day.
- Yeah, whatever, Pinky.
Until Monday, Kathy,
I'll be counting the seconds.
Uno, dos, tres...
Cuatro, cinco, seis...
Siete, ocho, nueve, diez...
Once, doce, trece...
- So...
How are things?
- [Sighs] Oh, I don't know.
Complicated.
Talk to me.
- Get this.
My dance teacher has a crush on me.
- What's complicated about that?
- Well, "A" I'm not interested,
and "B," I'm taking the class as a favor to a friend.
But now with all the weirdness in the air,
I don't want to go back.
- Listen, girl.
Don't let this teacher get under your skin.
You made a commitment to a friend,
you gotta follow through on that commitment.
- You're right.
You're so right.
- You know what else is right?
The amount of volumizer I used on your perm.
[Car door opens and closes]
Where are you going?
You don't have your homework!
I'm going to work.
You're looking at the new Junior Assistant Manager at Copy Place.
Brian got fired for stealing ink.
- What about beauty school?
What about our dream?
- That was never my dream.
I wasn't even good at it.
- But you only have one more test before you get your cosmetology license!
- I don't want my cosmetology license.
Ooh, nice perm.
Hey, if anyone should be a hairdresser,
it's you.
- Hmmm.
[Imitating Tina] Tina Russo,
it's time to get your cosmetology license.
[Chews]
[Blow and pop]
- You have such a nice girlfriend, Daffy.
[Sighs] What's it like to be in love?
- Well, I'm glad you asked.
♪ How do you know when you're in love? ♪
♪ Well, you came to the right friend ♪
♪ Love is like an ice cream sundae ♪
♪ That you think is never gonna end ♪
♪ Love makes you feel all tingly, ♪
♪ lightheaded and pretty ♪
♪ Just like a
700-foot robot ♪
♪ that's invading a city ♪
- A robot?
- Exactly.
♪ But you're not an evil robot ♪
♪ You're a robot looking for love ♪
♪ But there's not a lot of giant 700-foot robots
around to love ♪
♪ So you glue a bunch of smaller robots together
to make one big super robot ♪
♪ Then you and your robot go out to brunch
and by the end of brunch, you're in love ♪
Trust me,
♪ That's exactly what it's like to be in love ♪
- Can I ask a question? - No.
♪ Then you and your robot lover destroy
the entire Schenectady Turnpike ♪
♪ 'Cause you're doing a robot love dance
and you don't care what it looks like ♪
♪ And when the armies of the world come to fight you
You get into your spaceship ♪
♪ And you tenderly embrace while you fly into space
'cause Earth's not ready for giant robot love ♪
♪ That's how you know you're in love ♪
- ♪ Find yourself a robot to love ♪
♪ That's how you feel when you're in love ♪
- I'm not really following you.
- All right, let me put it another way.
♪ It's just like you're a merman ♪
♪ That's 700 feet tall ♪
♪ And you're looking for a lady merman to love ♪
- Don't you mean "mermaid"? - Don't interrupt.
♪ But the ocean is a massive place
and there's not a lot of lady mermen ♪
♪ So in order to increase your chances ♪
♪ You travel to the Undersea Merman Mall! ♪
M-merman mall?
♪ That's where fish and mollusks go to find love ♪
- You know, I'm just not really sure what any of this---
- ♪ And you find a female merman
who is working at a kiosk, ♪
♪ selling cell phone covers and
personalized key chains ♪
♪ Your hand brushes one of her tentacles,
and she just melts inside ♪
- Tentacles? - Shut up.
♪ Her manager gets insanely jealous
and stabs you with his trident, and you're dead ♪
- ♪ Stabs you with his trident, and you're dead ♪
- ♪ That's how you know you're in love ♪
- [Stammers] Thanks for clearing that up for me.
That's what I do.
- Good bounce.
Nice elasticity.
Ooh, and somebody used some volumizer.
Good job, Tina.
That's an A-plus perm.
- [Normal voice] Yes!
I mean...
[Imitating Tina] Yes.
- All right, everyone.
Now for your final exam.
You've been assigned
a volunteer client.
Good luck.
Your cosmetology license is on the line.
- Oof.
- [Chuckles] I should warn you,
my hair is very brittle.
[Groans]
- [Stammers]
Another new dress?
- It's the last class.
I wanna look nice.
- Can I get everyone's attention?
I just want to say it's been a pleasure
being your instructor for the past few weeks.
You have all come so very far.
Of course, some of you have come farther than others.
Now, let's dance!
[Clap, clap]
[Music playing]
Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!
- Ola, Kathy.
Whoa! Whoa!
Whoa!
- That's a beautiful dress.
- Bugs, you're supposed to let m-me lead.
- Just shut up and dance.
[Music playing nearby]
- Mm!
Good cupcake.
Oh, there's Porky!
There's that woman!
[Gasps]
Bugs' mistress is cheating on him with Porky?
Poor Bugs.
Speedy?!
What is going on up there?
- Gorgeous.
- Tina, you've outdone yourself.
- [Imitating Tina] Thank you. It wasn't easy.
Her hair's like straw you wouldn't feed a donkey.
But as I always say.
"Extensions, a
Brazilian blowout,
and platinum highlights can hide any flaw."
Well, you've just earned yourself a cosmetology license.
Congratulations, Tina. - [Girls chattering]
- [Door opens] - Daffy?!
- Tina?!
I mean, uh...
[Imitating Tina] It's my twin sister...
Grina.
[Normal voice] What are you doing here?
- I'm returning my wig heads.
What are you doing here?
- Wh-what is going on?
- I'm not Tina Russo.
[Both gasp]
- Then who are you?
- Who am I?
Until recently, I didn't know the answer.
But now I do.
You see my whole life
I've been forced to live among ugly people,
helpless to do anything about it.
But now, thanks to these,
I have the power to trim the ugliness away
one haircut at a time.
So you ask me
who I am.
I'll tell you.
[All gasp]
- I'm Daffy Duck,
and I'm a hairdresser.
[Music playing]
- No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Pinky, you're supposed to be the dipper, not the dippee.
You're the man.
Kathy's the woman.
A woman unlike any I've ever met.
- Look, I'm flattered,
but I'm also...
Bugs.
- Señor Bunny?!
- Bugs' mistress is actually just Bugs in a wig
taking a dance class with Porky!
Oh, right, he said that.
- I signed up to be Porky's dance partner,
not to be the target of your incessant flirting.
I mean, I certainly didn't help things by looking so beautiful.
- Beautiful?
Who said you were beautiful?
- You did!
- I was just being nice.
You were clearly the most unattractive woman in the class,
so I was trying to make you feel better about yourself.
It's called overcompensating.
Claro que no.
Unbelievable, this guy.
[Speaking Spanish]
[Crying]
Why?!
No! [Sobbing]
- Eh, sorry, Pork.
- W-would you like to dance?
- [High-pitched voice] I'd l-love to.
[Giggling]
- Lola?
- Hi, Bugs!
Oof!
[Thud]
I'm OK.
The cupcake broke my fall.
Mm.
It's still good.
- Here you go, your new business cards.
It pretty cool to be dating a licensed cosmetologist.
- Well, it's pretty cool for me to be dating
the Junior Assistant Manager of Copy Place.
Doesn't quite roll off the tongue
like "Licensed cosmetologist," does it?
- OK, can I get you anything else?
- Nah, we're good.
- More iced tea...
For the lady?
[Laughing]
I miss her so much.
- Hi, guys.
This is my friend Nancy.
- Nice to meet you.
- Call me
when you're ready to...
Do something with that.
[Slurping]
Sync and corrected by www.addic7ed.com
Another WEB-DL synchronize and correction by jasonnguyen2606
[WB shield open]
- That's the end of the--- Whooooa!
[Thud]
- Am I good? Is it clear?
- I can't tell.
- I'm clear.
[Horns honking]
- Not clear.
- Oh! What's that idiot doing in my blind spot?
- Everyone's in your blind spot.
This car is nothing but blind spots.
- It's not a car.
It's a parade float.
Now am I clear?
- I don't know.
All I see is a giant foot.
- It's not a giant foot.
It's a giant flipper.
That's it.
I'm going for it.
[Tires screech] [Horn honks]
[Screaming]
Great.
Now we have to go to the car wash.
- Oh, no.
I'm getting out here.
- What are you, crazy?
You're on the side of a freeway!
It's dangerous!
- Not as dangerous as riding in that thing.
- Suit yourself.
[Creaking and squishing]
Am I clear?
I'm going for it!
- [Tires screech] - [Horns honk]
Sync and corrected by www.addic7ed.com
Again with the WEB-DL sync and correction by jasonngyen2606
Season 1 Episode 23 "The Float"
Original Air Date: November 22, 2011 on Cartoon Network
- Look!
There goes our car.
Is that a parade float?
- It's not a parade float.
It's my parade float.
- Papier-mâché, yes.
- What will happen when it gets wet?
It's gonna to get wet?
[Buzzing]
Turn off the water! Turn off the water!
[Whirring]
[Screaming]
Stop!
Turn off the water! Turn off the water!
[Buzzes]
[Grunts]
Aah! Eek! Ooh!
[Grunting]
[Whirring]
[Grunting]
[Air gusting]
[Whimpers]
[Door open] My eye! My eye!
Oh, my eye!
- Daffy? Don't move!
I'm getting the first aid kit! - Oh, no!
[Sobbing]
Let me see your eye!
- It's all that's left.
My beautiful parade float is gone!
We--we never even got to be in a parade!
- You going to be OK?
[Door shuts]
He'll be ok.
Probably just needs a little time.
[Crying]
[Crying continues]
[Sobbing]
Maybe that's enough time.
[Crying]
Daffy?
- [Gasps]
- Bugs!
I knew it!
I knew you'd come through for me.
I knew if I stayed in here long enough
and sobbed loud enough,
you'd make me another parade float.
It wasn't easy.
There were days when I wanted to give up,
When I wanted to come out of my room, maybe take a shower.
But I persevered.
I stayed in my room,
And I sobbed even louder,
because I knew that you needed that time and that motivation,
and I was right.
Thank you, brother.
So, where is it?
Where's my new beautiful parade float?
- I didn't make you a parade float.
- I'm fine.
I'm disappointed, but I'm fine.
- Why can't you just drive a normal car?
- Normal cars are for normal people.
I'm not normal!
- I'll give you that.
- You're my best friend.
You know me better than anyone.
You see what a horrible person I am.
That's why I have to drive a parade float
to distract the rest of the world from seeing it!
- You're going to need something better than a parade float.
- Better than a parade float?
Better than a parade float...
I'll take it.
Not since my parade float
have I felt that a vehicle so expressed my essence.
How much?
- 375,000.
- Dollars?
- Yes.
- American dollars?
- I'm not giving you $375,000 for a yacht.
- But you're my best friend.
That's what best friends do.
- No, they don't.
[Distant dog barks]
- Fair enough.
Will you give me $375,000,
which I will donate to the charity of my choice?
- Daffy, no one's going to give you $375,000.
- [Stammering] Of course I'll give you $375,000.
- I knew I could count on you, Porky.
- You poor thing.
I didn't even know you were sick.
But when's the operation?
- Tonight,
so let's wrap this up.
- Can I ask why you didn't go to Bugs for the money?
- Because you're my best friend.
I know that I can ask you for anything,
Just as you know that you can ask me for anything.
- Could you turn on that lamp for me?
I can't see the combination.
Do it yourself.
[Clicks and clanks]
- Here you go.
[Sniffs]
- This is only $350,000.
- But it's all I have.
- Porky, you are making this very hard for me.
Do you think I like having to come to my best friend for money?
Can you imagine what this is like for me,
How awkward this is?
What's that
in the back of the safe?
A gold watch?
- But that was my great-grandfather's.
- "Randall Pig".
It's engraved?!
That's going to kill its resale value.
I'm going to need more than this.
Give me your debit card.
- But that's the money I live on.
- Porky, I can't sit here and argue with you.
The surgery's, like, in 10 minutes.
- You're right.
Take the debit card.
- "Take the debit card" what?
- Take the debit card,
please?
- Fine.
As a favor to you,
I'll take the debit card.
What is this, wool?
All right. I guess I'll take the coat, too.
Maybe I can get a couple of bits for this.
- [Door opens and shuts] - Feel better!
Wait a second.
Now, how am I going to live?
[Seagulls crying]
- Whoo-hoo!
I'm free!
I've never felt so alive!
The high seas,
the wind in my hair,
the salt on my skin!
I am a sailor!
I am sailing!
What an unbelievable rush!
Whoo-hoo!
[Shivering]
- Porky?
What are you doing?
- Eating garbage.
- Is that something you've always done, or is that a new thing?
- Are you going to finish that?
- I tried calling you, but your phone's been disconnected.
Why is it so dark in here,
and cold?
- I couldn't pay my bills.
- Why not?
- I gave all my money to Daffy.
- Why would you give all your money to Daffy?!
- For his kidney transplant.
Do you know how he's doing?
Let's go find out.
- Ahh.
I should have bought a yacht with Porky's money years ago.
Nice boat.
- She's a real beauty, isn't she?
The Queen of the Ocean.
That's why I named her that.
A fitting name for the successor to my parade float.
Which by way was also named "Queen of the Ocean."
- How's the kidney?
- Kidney?
[Laughs]
Oh, I just told Porky that so he'd give me the money for the yacht.
[Screaming]
[Both grunting]
Mmm. Good shrimp.
- ♪ You like antiques, I like free markets. ♪
- ♪ You like cheese, but I like chocolates. ♪
- ♪ I know one way we can solve this. ♪
- ♪ It's called fondue, it has both ♪
- ♪ I like ficus, you like ferns ♪
- ♪ We put them in matching urns ♪
- ♪ And the silly thing we learned ♪
- ♪ Is now they're friends ♪ - ♪ Those plants are friends ♪
- ♪ You like red, and I like blue. ♪
♪ You like me, and I like you. ♪
♪ There's nothing else to do but be best friends ♪
♪ We're best friends, ♪
♪ We're best friends, we're best friends ♪
♪ Our friendship will never end ♪
♪ If we were divers, we'd get the bends ♪
♪ We're such deep friends ♪
♪ Sometimes, we disagree ♪
♪ We must monitor our chi and realign our energy ♪
♪ We are best friends ♪
[Vocalizing]
- Dance break! - Splendid! After you!
- Oh, no, I insist, you're a much better dancer.
- Oh, you flatter me. - Not at all.
- OK, dance break's over. - Never mind.
- ♪ You like toning up your lats. ♪
- ♪ I like wearing my new spats ♪
- ♪ It don't get no better than that ♪
- ♪ When you're best friends, you're best friends ♪
- ♪ You like gray and I like beige ♪
- ♪ Luckily for us, there's graige ♪
- ♪ Which is a lovely combina-tion ♪
♪ Of gray and beige ♪
♪ You like designer boots ♪
- ♪ I like velvet warm-up suits ♪
- ♪ In that way, we're in cahoots ♪
- ♪ We're best friends, we're best friends. ♪
- ♪ You like red, and I like blue ♪
♪ You like me, and I like you. ♪
♪ There's nothing else to do but be best friends ♪
♪ Be best friends ♪
[Vocalizing]
♪ We are best friends. ♪
- Wait!
That's a Tiffany lamp.
- [Stammering] But you bought with my money!
[Grunts]
- Aah!
- How could you lie to me?!
- I'm sorry.
I thought if I told you what the money was for, you wouldn't give it to me.
- I wouldn't have!
- You just proved my point.
How am I the bad guy here?
[Both grunting]
- OK. I've had enough.
Well, maybe just one more.
[Grunting continues]
All right. Break it up.
- [Grunting] - [Panting]
- Here's what we're going to do.
Daffy, you're going to sell this thing
and give Porky his money back.
- Are you crazy?
I already lost my parade float!
I'm not about to lose my yacht.
[Sighs]
- Well, you're about to lose a friend.
- Yeah, but those are easy to get when you have a yacht.
- Uh, guys?
- Where's the dock?
But that's impossible.
I tied a shank knot to this cleat,
Tied a sheepshead knot here,
A double rolling hitch here,
A simple yet elegant bow here.
And a square knot here.
- Uh-huh.
And what kind of knot did you tie to the dock?
[Vocalizing]
[Sucks in breath]
- [Cries]
What are we going to do?!
We're stranded in the middle of the ocean!
[Sobs]
I always knew I'd die this way!
- All right. Let's not panic.
We'll just put up the sail and sail back.
[Squawking]
Where's the sail?
- I didn't get one.
- What?!
- I didn't have enough money.
I was forced to choose between a sail
and this jacuzzi.
So if anyone's to blame, it's Porky.
- I gave you everything I had.
I'm completely broke!
- The fact that you're not more financially successful is not my fault.
- [Grunts]
- What?
Is it me?
It's him, right?
- We'll just radio the coast guard for help.
- Nope.
No radio.
- What?!
- There wasn't enough money,
Not after I got the second jacuzzi.
[Motor whirring]
I have an idea.
Let's all take a long, hot soak in the jacuzzi.
It will relax us.
Which will allow us
to think of a way out of our predicament.
I'll take the master jacuzzi.
You two take that one.
Ha. Ah! Ooh! [Grunting]
Ahh. Ahh.
[Metal clinks]
I think I have our answer.
Porky should swim back and get help.
Off you go, Porky. - Hey, what are you doing?
Stop! What do you think you're doing?
- No one's swimming anywhere.
We're sailing back.
- Where'd you get a sail?
- It's your bedsheets.
- What?!
Those are 1,500 thread count Egyptian cotton!
Do you know how much these sheets cost?
More than lifejackets!
That's why there are no lifejackets on board!
Well, that, and they make you look stupid.
Aah!
[Grunts]
- He's unconscious!
What should we do?
- Psst. Porky. Untie me.
- I can't.
I'm under direct orders not to.
You know, Porky,
being out here in the middle of the ocean
has really made me reevaluate some things.
I see now that it's not money or things that matter.
It's friends,
best friends.
And you, Porky Pig,
you are my best friend.
- Do you really mean it?
- Have you ever known me to lie?
- Yes.
You lied about needing a kidney transplant.
- That's in the past.
Now, please, untie me
So I can give my best friend a great big hug.
You won't regret this.
- Huh?
- Now, go swim and get help.
Aah!
- Porky!
- Well, I guess it's just me now.
All alone on a yacht,
stranded in the middle of the ocean
with no lifejackets
and no idea how to sail.
Bugs! Porky!
Wait for me!
[Gasps]
These are coming with me.
Mmm.
It's like being caressed by an angel.
I regret nothing!
Except not buying those lifejackets!
[Gasps]
It was a dream.
It was all a dream.
That explains why I was such a horrible person
and did all those horrible things.
- Ehh...
Not a dream.
You are a horrible person,
and you did do those horrible things.
- Then what happened?
- We were picked up by a passing ship.
You nearly drowned in your stupid bedsheets.
- What about "The Queen of the Ocean"? Did she survive?
- Yeah.
It was towed back to shore.
- [Gasps]
Oh, thank goodness!
It is things that matter!
This proves it!
- We sold it
and got Porky's money back.
Ohh! [Cries]
- I have good news and bad news.
The good news is there's no complications from the near drowning.
The bad news is we ran some tests,
And it looks like you're going to need...
A kidney transplant.
- Huh. Ironic.
How much does one of those cost?
- I don't know. About $375,000.
But I'm sure you have insurance.
[Sucks in breath]
Well, I may not have insurance,
But at least I have a best friend.
Right, Bugs and/or Porky?
- I see you've decided to rebuild your parade float.
- Well, I couldn't ask my best friend to do it.
Not after you paid for my kidney transplant.
- Don't mention it.
Shame they couldn't also throw in a brain transplant.
- I won't forget this!
It was a tremendous act of generosity,
and I shall forever be in your debt.
- [Stammering] Uh, Daffy.
Can I take a break?
I'm still not feeling 100% since the surgery.
- Oh, here we go.
How many times are you going to throw it in my face
That you gave me your kidney?
You still have the other one!
- I got to get a new best friend.
Sync and corrected by www.addic7ed.com
Again with the WEB-DL sync and correction by jasonngyen2606
[WB shield open]
Psst. Hey. You wanna buy a watch?
[Beeps]
- Hello, this is Helmut Jorgensen
from the Nobel Prize foundation.
I'm calling to inform Mr. Bugs Bunny
That he has been awarded the Nobel Pri--
[Beeps] - Message deleted.
- Daffy, Tina. Just reminding you, tomorrow's date night.
Don't forget to make re-- [Beeps]
- Message deleted.
- Hey, guys. It's Porky.
I'm in kind of an emergency, and I--
[Beeps] - Message deleted.
End of messages. - Anything important?
- Nope.
[Grunting]
I can't hold on much longer!
[Grunts and screams]
Sync and corrected by www.addic7ed.com
Another WEB-DL synchronize and correction by jasonnguyen2606
Season 1 Episode 24 "The Shelf"
Original Air Date: January 24, 2012 on Cartoon Network
Wow. I'm glad you're OK, Porky.
But you know, next time that happens,
you really should call someone.
[Doorbell rings] Oh, got to go.
[Beeps]
[Vehicle departs]
Sweden?
- What's that?
- Huh. I guess I won the Nobel Prize.
- What's the Nobel Prize?
- An award given to those who have made
the greatest contributions to the betterment of humanity.
- Oh, the betterment of humanity!
That's why I haven't won one.
- I wonder where I should put it.
- Ugh, you're going to display it?
That's so tacky, so showy.
Have a little decorum.
- What about that thing?
- This?
- Do you know how many daughters there are in the world?
Millions.
And I,
"Sandra Sanchez,"
Am the world's greatest.
I'll get your own shelf.
[Sighs]
- Here your shelf.
You know, for an additional $20,
We'd be happy to install it for you.
- $20 to install a shelf?
I won a Nobel Prize!
I think I can put up my own shelf.
Looks secure.
[Rattles]
Hmm.
I guess I need to find a stud.
[Tapping]
[Clunks] - Ah.
Here we go.
Yep.
That's the stud right there.
Guess that wasn't a stud.
You guys have anything to fill in a couple of tiny, little holes?
Barely anything.
- You mean spackle?
- Yeah, spackle.
Some people call it spackle.
Aisle 19.
You having trouble putting up that shelf?
- What?
No.
I put that up no problem.
Just hammered it right in there.
- Hammered?
You used a drill, right?
- Of course.
Drilled it right in there.
Are the drills anywhere near the spackle?
Well, the award will cover that.
[Drill whirring]
[Doorbell rings]
Oh, Hi, Tina.
- Hey. Picking up Daffy. Date night.
Oh, is that a Timmel?
- Huh? Oh, yeah.
That's my brand, Timmel.
Is that what you said, Timmel?
- What you working on?
- Just putting up a shelf.
[Whirring and clanking]
- Oh, that doesn't sound good.
- It's fine.
I'm sure I just hit a stud.
- That's not a stud.
You either hit your junction box or a water pipe.
- Thanks for your help,
But I think I know what I'm doing.
I mean, I won the Nobel Prize.
[Whirs and clanks]
- There, see?
- What happened to the water?
- Guess it was your water pipe.
- What are you doing here?
- Date night. Remember?
Isn't that why you're in the shower?
- What?
No. I got peanut butter all over my back.
When's the water going to come back on.
Well, first, he's got to remove the drywall,
saw off the damaged pipe,
and put on a slip coupler.
Then, he's going to replace the drywall,
spray the texture on, and paint it.
- I could do it for you, but it would take a couple of days.
- A couple of days?
I can't go without a shower for that long!
- Since when do you take so many showers?
- It's the principle.
If I'm going to pay rent somewhere,
then I want everything to work.
- You don't pay rent.
- And I won't,
Not until that's fixed.
Now where am I supposed to live?
They won't let me back at the "Y".
Long story.
- I guess you could stay with me.
- I don't think so,
not until there's a ring on this finger.
[Hissing]
Here.
Looks like you're going to need this.
Hey.
My eyes are up here.
- Thanks for letting me stay here, Porky.
- It will be fun.
It can get kind of lonely living in this big old house by myself.
Well, this is the guest bedroom.
- Great.
I'm sure you'll be very comfortable here.
- You get that shelf up?
- [Deep voice] Shelf?
Ha ha ha.
You must have me confused with somebody else.
I'm a totally different customer.
Never been here before.
- Just the saw?
- Uh, yeah.
Oh, I'm also going to need a...
Slip coupler.
- Oh. You got a cracked water pipe?
- Oh, yeah. Heh.
You know how that goes.
Water was pouring out when I left.
- You mean, you didn't shut off the water main?
- [Screaming]
[Normal voice] Keep the change!
- Congratulations!
- Lola, I got to get inside and shut off the water main,
whatever that is.
- Winning the Nobel Prize?
That's amazing!
- Lola, move it!
- I mean, no bells.
None.
I can't live without bells.
[Jangling]
- I think my house is flooded!
- Wow!
Someone wins the Nobel Prize and thinks they're pretty hot.
Well, guess what?
You're not, all right?
All you did was not have a bell, Mmm-Kay?
Anyone could do that. I could totally do that.
Who am I kidding? No I can't. Bells are so fun!
[Jangling]
- What's going on, man?
I was taking a nap.
I almost drowned!
- I was trying to put up a shelf,
and I drilled into a water pipe.
- Why didn't you just pay someone to put it up for you?
I don't get it.
- I won the Nobel Prize.
I think I can put up a shelf.
- Oh, the Nobel Prize, huh?
What did you get it for?
Making bad decisions?
[Jangling]
- Speedy, what are you doing here?
- I live here.
Or at least I used to.
- Wait a minute. You live in Bugs' house?
Don't you own a restaurant? Can't you afford your own place?
- Mmm. Probably.
- Speedy, we're adults, M'kay?
Adults live on their own.
- Where do you live?
- With my parents.
They gave me these bells!
[Knocks on door]
- What's up?
- Oh, I was just going to do some laundry.
So I need to get my laundry basket.
- I'll get it.
Here you go.
- Thanks.
- Hold it.
These are my whites.
These are my darks.
Oh! And...
These are my delicates.
I've never seen you wear clothes.
I like having the option.
Now, pay attention.
The delicates don't go in the machine.
These are 100% silk.
They need to be hand washed.
Got it?
- I think.
Repeat it back to me.
- Uh, darks, whites, delicates.
- What about the delicates?
- Hand wash them?
- Oh, and I'm having a lady friend over for dinner tonight,
so here's a list for the grocery store.
- Ooh, who are we having dinner with?
I'm having dinner with my girlfriend.
Now, if you'll excuse me,
I'm in the middle of something.
It's fun having a roommate.
- All right.
Let's see what we got here.
Looks like we got a big
hole in the wall.
OK.
So I guess I just need to make a cut here and here,
Then remove this part,
put in a slip coupler,
Then somehow...
Fix this whole wall,
Pop in the ol' shelf,
and we're done.
Easy. [Whirring]
Whoa!
[Creaks]
I wonder if this beam was important.
[Cracking]
Hmm. Might need to get a little more spackle.
[Creaks]
Maybe a lot more spackle.
- [Stammering] Happy birthday, Daffy!
- [Gasps]
- Do you like it?
- Hmm.
♪ You've given me a birthday gift. ♪
♪ You've really given my day a lift. ♪
♪ Oh, wow, a childhood photo
of you and me ♪
♪ But I have to tell you something now ♪
♪ And I'm trying to find the words how ♪
♪ While your gift was thoughtful ♪
♪ It was also chintzy. ♪
♪ I can remedy the situation ♪
♪ And you can avoid future humiliation ♪
- Whoa! - ♪ If you would just follow
these gift-giving guidelines ♪
♪ Buy me something made of solid goal ♪
♪ Buy this homemade sweater leaves me cold ♪
♪ Think in term of things that are expensive. ♪
♪ A coffee mug that says "My Best Friend" ♪
♪ Will find a new home in my trash bin. ♪
♪ And if you knit me a scarf ♪
♪ I'll bury it in the back yard ♪
Now, pay attention
♪ Chintzy, chintzy, chintzy, chintzy ♪
♪ Not chintzy ♪
♪ Chintzy, chintzy, chintzy, chintzy ♪
♪ Very chintzy ♪
♪ This gift has a hot date with my shredder ♪
♪ Buy me a jacuzzi filled with caviar or a diamond-encrusted rocket car ♪
♪ and when in doubt, try a briefcase full of money ♪
♪ Try to stay away from arts and crafts ♪
♪ I don't want your homemade bubble bath ♪
♪ And cookies are better when they're made by professionals ♪
♪ Buy me a ranch with a thousand longhorn steers ♪
[Mooing]
♪ Or a mansion filled with crystal chandeliers ♪
♪ An M60-A3 army tank ♪
♪ Would be met with heartfelt thanks ♪
♪ Because that's something I could drive to the supermarket ♪
- Oh, I get it.
♪ Chintzy, chintzy, chintzy, chintzy ♪
- ♪ Not chintzy ♪ - Good.
♪ Chintzy, chintzy, chintzy, chintzy ♪
- ♪ Very chintzy. ♪ - Yes.
♪ That's why I'm setting fire to the photo you gave me. ♪
♪ So I'm glad I could help you out ♪
♪ This is what friendship's all about ♪
♪ But the next gift that you bring should require a trailer. ♪
[Foghorn blows]
♪ So before a new day dawns ♪
♪ Maybe cash in your savings bonds ♪
♪ And buy me a present ♪
♪ that is not
CHINTZYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!! ♪
- Phew.
- Ahem.
You still owe me a birthday present.
- Well, what do you think?
- Hmm.
It's pretty nice, I guess.
Maybe I could put my hole over here.
- What are you talking about?
You don't have to live in a hole. You got all this space.
- I don't know.
It seems so big.
- I could help you decorate. Oh, it will be fun!
I have a really great eye.
It's my left one.
My right eye's just a regular eye.
Oh, no, wait. I'm wrong.
My right eye is my great eye.
My left eye has x-ray vision.
- Hey, my eyes are up here, OK?
- I can totally see through that.
[Wheels squeak]
- Doling a little home improvement?
- [High-pitch voice] Oh, you know.
Just tinkering with a few little projects.
Nothing big,
just replacing the ceiling,
an entire wall,
most of the floor.
Maybe put in a new support beam or two.
- That'll be $2,865.43.
- [Normal voice] Say what?
- What do you think?
- I think I need to get back to the gym.
- Not you, silly.
The mirror.
- Ohh! It's divine!
Is it rococo?
- No, no, no.
It's baroque.
- But a baroque mirror is 7 years' bad luck!
[Both giggle]
[Bell dings]
- Ooh. Nice bell.
- May we help you?
- Hi! Yes.
Hello. Hi.
I am decorating an apartment
for dear, dear friend of mine.
- Ooh, whatever can you tell us about him?
Uh...
Well, he's a mouse
named Speedy Gonzalez.
I think he might
wear a hat.
- Well, we just received some lovely pieces from Spain.
- This particular chest of drawers is 18th Century Mahogany.
- Notice the burled walnut inset panels.
- Oh, I don't know.
It's not really speaking to me.
- Oh, well, perhaps Señor Gonzalez would prefer
- I am positively obsessed with this mid-century sofa.
- No. This isn't really speaking to me, either.
[Gasps] Ooh!
Now, this
is speaking to me.
Hmm?
Oh, thank you.
That's very flattering, but I have a boyfriend.
He just won the Nobel Prize.
Besides, you're not really my type.
You're too tall.
And you're an armoire.
So...
Huh?
Oh, an arm-wah.
Excuse me!
"blah, blah, blah, I'm from France."
- Well, what about this?
It arrived this morning.
Look, I appreciate what you're trying to do
but you don't know Speedy like I know Speedy.
I know you think you do
because you're all mice.
- We're gophers.
- Oh.
Is that different?
- Just take a look.
It's Italian baroque.
- Isn't it exquisite?
- Hmm.
It is nice.
And Speedy is Italian.
Maybe this is Speedy!
[Crash]
Oh, you know what?
No. This--
this isn't Speedy.
Mm-mmm.
Yeah, I think I'm just going to keep looking around,
Try few more stores and maybe
some place that feels more like him.
- [Gasps] - [Bell dings]
Oh, I do love that bell, though.
It's a great bell.
[Bell dings and door shut]
- 7 years isn't that long, when you think about it.
[Slurping]
- What?
You don't like lobster bisque?
[Scoffs] I'll get you something else.
Something for a less refined palate.
[Bell dings]
- So...Uh...
Where's Porky?
- [Stammering] How may I be of service?
- Porky, what are you doing in that outfit?
- Don't engage the help.
That better be my bread and butter.
- Yes, sir.
- The lady doesn't like her soup.
Bring her something else.
- There's nothing wrong with the soup.
- The butter is hard!
- What?
- I said,
the butter is hard,
Because somebody failed to let it soften
before serving dinner.
- I'm sorry!
I just got so busy with the crème brûlée--
[Stammers]
But you're not too busy to make excuses!
Ow! That hurt!
- I bet it hurt,
because it's hard!
- Daffy!
- This doesn't concern you, Tina.
This is between me and my butler.
- He's not your butler!
Porky, you are not his butler.
- I know. I just--
I like having someone around.
- Are these store-bought rolls?
[Grunts]
- Ow!
- Of course you're saying "Ow!"
They're like rocks!
Ow!
- Porky, what are you doing?
You're letting him walk all over you like this.
This is your house!
Be a man.
- You're right.
- What?
- I was sick of wearing this, anyway.
There. That's better.
- Well, if this dump doesn't come with a butler,
I might as well go back to the old dump.
And I can tell
you put these in the dryer.
- OK. In decorating your apartment,
I had to ask myself,
"Who is Speedy Gonzalez?"
"What does Speedy Gonzalez want?"
"What does Speedy Gonzalez need?"
I had to get inside the mind of Speedy Gonzalez.
It wasn't easy,
but I think I nailed it.
Speedy Gonzalez,
welcome home!
[Gasps] What do you think?
- Uh, yeah, it's, uh...
There's a lot of little bells everywhere.
These bells have little bells inside the bells!
[Ringing]
- You know, Lola,
I appreciate you doing all of this but
I think I'm going to go back to Señor Bugs.
I like my little mouse hole there.
It's got to be dry by now.
- But then who's going to live here?
- You could.
- Me?
I don't know.
It's not really my taste.
I guess I could make it work.
Get rid of some of this Speedy Gonzalez influence.
- Home sweet home.
- Ain't that the truth.
[Whirring]
I got the shelf up!
[Wind blowing]
[Blades whirring]
[Whirring]
[Popping]
- [Dings] - [Whirring stops]
Meep Meep!
[Puffing]
[Puffs]
[Creaks]
[Whirring]
Meep Meep!
[Wind blowing]
[Whirring]
[Buzzing]
[Popping]
[Dings]
Meep Meep!
- [Stammering] I thought your house was destroyed.
- It was, but
I'm a Nobel Prize winner.
I know how to fix a house.
- Ok. Fixed the house.
Let me know if you need anything else.
- Well, she fixed the house,
But I put up the shelf.
Sync and corrected by www.addic7ed.com
Another WEB-DL synchronize and correction by jasonnguyen2606
[WB shield open]
- I'll just wear it.
- Three people.
One slice.
Classic scenario.
What to do, what to do?
I mean, nobody wants to be the one
to take the last slice...
[Chewing]
- What?
Sync and correction by Mlmlte www.addic7ed.com
Another WEB-DL sync and correction by jasonnguyen2606
Season 1 Episode 25 "The Muh-Muh-Muh-Murder"
- I hope you saved room...
for the bill!
[Laughs]
- Let me get yours, Porky.
I still feel bad about you losing your job.
- Oh, no, it's OK.
I got a new job.
I'm doing catering.
- Catering?
Nobody wants a pig handling their food.
Besides, isn't that a lot of temptation?
I mean, your name's not "Health and Fitness Pig".
It's Porky Pig!
Am I right?
[Laughs]
- Couldn't you at least pretend to reach for your wallet?
- I don't have a wallet.
Besides, I shouldn't have to pay.
It's my birthday.
- Your birthday's not until next week.
- Oh-ho, we're well within the birthday zone.
[Cell phone rings]
- It's Lola.
Hey!
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, slow down.
Lola, calm down.
Lola, stop.
I can't understand you.
Where are you? Where are you?
OK, I'm coming.
- Oh, dear.
Poor Lola.
- Don't feel bad for her.
You're the one who got stuck with the bill.
Am I right?
You guys are too sensitive.
Original Air Date: January 31, 2012 on Cartoon Network
[Laughter]
- Oh, hey, Bugs, what are you doing here?
- You called me.
You were hysterical!
- Oh, right.
- It's a simple fracture.
She'll have the cast off in about six weeks.
- How did it happen?
- It's crazy. I was out buying cupcakes
when I noticed a baby stuck on top of a building.
I knew I had to save that baby,
so I finished my cupcake
and shimmied up the drain pipe,
when suddenly, the drain pipe
starting coming lose from the building!
- And you fell and broke your leg?
- No.
I let go of the drain pipe
just in time and grabbed hold of the telephone wire.
So there I was,
hanging from the wire.
I started swinging myself back and forth
until finally I flung myself as high as I could
hoping I would make it to the roof,
but I didn't make it to the roof.
I was totally out of control and I went crashing through
a giant plate-glassed window!
- And that's when you broke your leg?
- No.
I landed flat on my back in the middle of some girl's apartment.
She was super sweet.
We're totally having lunch next week.
Anyway, I found my way to the elevator,
but it was out of service,
so I had to pry open the doors
and throw myself into the elevator shaft.
- You fell down an elevator shaft?
- Will you please just listen?
I caught the elevator cables,
I pulled myself up hand over hand
until I finally reached the top,
where I kicked the grate open with my feet
and catapulted myself onto the roof.
But right before I could grab the baby,
it turned, and I realized
it wasn't a baby,
it was a crow!
[Cawing]
And it attacked me.
- What?
I tried to fend it off,
but he was one of those angry crows, and no matter what I did, he kept attacking.
He wouldn't stop.
And just kept attacking
and attacking until finally I lost my balance
and fell 15 stories.
- And that's when you broke your leg.
- No, I landed on an inflatable gorilla in front of a car dealership.
- So how did you break your leg?
- Oh, I was here for a check-up,
and I slipped getting up on this table.
It's really high.
You should try it.
No, wait, don't.
You'll break your leg.
Like me!
- She's a keeper.
- What are we doing here?
- I'm dropping you off.
- Bugs isn't here.
How am I supposed to get inside?
- Use your keys.
- I don't have keys.
So you don't have a wallet or keys?
- Porky, I'm a spiritual being.
I'm not interested in material possessions.
Ooh, can I have these?
Just take me to your house.
- Um, uh, can't I drop you off at Tina's?
- Tina's at work.
Why don't you want to take me to your house?
- Oh, no, it's just...
- It's just what?
- Oh, nothing, I'm...
- You're what?
What are you up to?
What are you hiding?
- Nothing.
[Opens glove compartment]
- Aha!
You were hiding these.
All I'm saying is,
you need to be charming to do catering.
You're not charming.
- Just go watch TV.
I've got some cooking to do.
- Ptthh, catering.
You should get a job where you don't have to interact with people.
Maybe something with a computer where people don't have to look at you.
That would be good for you.
'Cause you're a creepy recluse who keeps to himself.
[Turns on TV]
- Breaking news in the case of the suburban strangler.
Until now, the police have had little to go on,
other than the assumption that the killer is a creepy recluse
who keeps to himself.
- Huh, that's how I just described Porky.
- But now a witness has come forward,
giving police a physical description of the suspect.
- The guy we're looking for is
chubby, short and bald,
with a pig-like nose.
- Chubby, short and bald,
with a pig-like nose?
- If you see anyone matching this description,
call 911.
[Chop]
Mother!
[Thud]
[Groaning] [Clock ticking]
What happened?
Where am I?
[Clock ticking]
[Gasp]
I'm in Porky's house.
[Gasp]
Porky's the suburban strangler!
I've got to call 911!
Ahh!
I don't remember the number for 911.
Think.
Think, man.
I know.
I'll call 411
and ask them for the number for 911.
Ahh!
I don't know the number for 411.
I'll call Bugs!
He's filled with useless information like emergency phone numbers.
[Dialing]
He cut the phone line!
[Shrieks] [Crash]
Porky!
You scared me.
Not that you're scary.
I just didn't expect you to be standing there like a psychopath.
Not that you're a psychopath!
- Are you feeling better?
- Mm-hmm. Much better.
All better, in fact.
I should probably be getting home.
I'm sure Bugs is back by now.
- Oh, OK.
I'll drive you.
- Wait, they say never let your attacker take you to a second location.
- What?
If you drive me to my house,
you'd be taking me to a second location.
- So?
- Nice try, chubby.
But you're not taking me anywhere.
You think I'm chubby?
You're not just chubby.
You're chubby, short and bald,
with a pig-like nose.
- Aah!
How rude!
- Awfully sensitive for a wanted killer.
- Thanks for getting all my stuff.
I really feel like I'm at home.
[Squeak]
- Remind me again why you're not at home?
- [Scoffs] Because you're taking care of me and you live here.
See? I'm doing you a favor.
- Gee, thanks.
- You won't even know I'm here.
Oh, Bugs?
- Yes?
- I'm kind of thirsty.
Do you mind getting me a glass of milk?
- Milk.
- Oh, no, wait. I'm allergic to milk.
How about a soda?
Diet soda, though.
Oh, no, wait, regular soda.
I need the calories.
You know what, sorry.
Soda's bad for you.
How about an orange juice?
No, wait, apple juice.
No, orange juice.
No! Apple juice.
You know what?
Just give me the milk and we'll see what happens.
- What's that?
- Water.
- Oh!
It's just what I wanted.
[Gulping]
Ahh.
I got to pee.
[Groans]
- When do you get your cast off again?
- Only six weeks.
[Groaning]
[Crickets chirping]
- Canopy bed,
embroidered pillows,
lace curtains?
This is either the bedroom of an 80 year old woman
or a deranged killer.
No knives, no guns, no body parts.
[Gasps]
Great day in the morning!
How many sunglasses does one pig need?
Is it possible that Porky's not the suburban strangler?
Could it be that he just happens to be chubby, short and bald,
and I'm jumping to an outlandish conclusion
because I'm a paranoid,
hateful fear mongerer?
No, that's the face of a killer.
[Door opens and creaks]
[Dialing]
[Line ringing] - It's me.
It has to be tonight.
I think he's on to me.
Come pick up Daffy when I'm done with him.
He'll be in the garage.
In the freezer.
[Hangs up]
What is all this?
- I've got to get out of here!
[Shrieking]
He's locked me in!
[Grunting]
- Where are you going?
- Oh! Uh, nowhere.
I was just getting a little hungry.
- Let me make you something.
How about a sandwich?
- Oh, why, thank you.
I would love a sandwich.
- He's toying with me.
He's going to chop me up into a million pieces.
He's going to cook me!
He's going to wear me!
Wait a minute.
Calm down.
This is Porky you're talking about!
You've known him your whole life.
He wouldn't hurt a fly.
He's a sweetheart!
Oh, no.
I've got Stockholm syndrome.
I've fallen in love with my captor!
- It's chopped liver.
- Whose?!
- What?
[Chuckles]
- You know what?
I just realized I'm not hungry.
[Clanging]
I think I should lie back down.
[Clanging]
[Vase break]
Sorry!
[Door closes]
- What are you doing?
- Oh!
Is this not the bathroom?
My mistake.
I thought this was the bathroom.
- Do not go in there.
- I wouldn't dream of it.
If you'll excuse me,
I have some business to attend to.
- "I have some business to attend to."
That's what a killer says right before he kills!
Or is it,
"get in the van."
No, it's "I have some business to attend to."
[Clanging, sharpening]
[Stairs creaking]
[Chop]
[Gasping]
That poor woman!
Well, at least it's over.
[Chainsawing]
- [Screaming]
- Daffy?
[Whooshes]
- [Gasping]
Can I help you?
I thought I heard you downstairs.
- Nope.
Been here the whole time.
Just reading the paper.
Yesterday's news!
- Can I bring you some tea.
- [Chuckles]
That sounds lovely.
What could be in here?
Bodies,
torture machines?
Why do I want to go in there?
Because I was told not to and I have a problem with authority.
[Door open and creaking]
[Gasping]
- Hey, Lola.
I got your Chinese food.
Lola?
Lola!
- Coming.
[Beep] [Whirring]
- What is that?
- It's a stair lift.
I felt so bad that you were having to carry me up and down,
so I had one installed while you were gone.
It's top of the line,
that's why it's so quiet.
Almost there.
Here I come.
Just a few... More... Steps.
Oooh.
And...
Almost there.
OK. Here I come.
[Beep] There!
What's that?
- Your Chinese food.
- That's not Chinese food.
Chinese food's flat and round
with cheese and tomato sauce
and bunch of different toppings.
- That's called pizza.
- Well, I don't know. I don't speak Chinese. [Chuckles]
Thanks!
[Door opens and closes]
Oh, I think I have to pee again.
[Beep] [Whirring]
There we go.
Now we're really moving.
There we go.
All right, come on.
Here we go.
[Whistling]
[Humming]
[Gasping]
[Humming]
- What are you doing in here?!
- [Shrieks]
I know what you're up to!
Then you leave me no choice.
- Make it fast.
I don't deserve to suffer!
I mean, I probably do,
but I don't want to!
- Happy Birthday.
- Say what?
- I know it's early, but
you said you knew my secret, so
I hope you like it.
- A collage made out of assorted photos of me?
What on earth would possess you to make something this creepy?
- Uh, because that's what you specifically told me you wanted for your birthday.
You sent me the photos.
- So you don't want to murder me?
- Why would I want to murder you?
[Gasps]
Only a murderer would ask that question!
[Shrieking and srceaming]
[Stammering] Whoa!
[Thud] Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh!
- Eh. - Ohh!
- Speedy... - Speedy?
What did you do to Speedy?
Look who's got a wallet and keys now, chubby!
[Groaning]
[Engine stalling]
[Groaning]
[Screaming]
[Tires squealing]
[Both screaming]
- Six weeks.
[Daffy and Porky screaming]
That's a good way to kill somebody!
- Whoa! - Aah!
[Groaning]
- In your face!
[Porky screaming]
[Thud]
[Car hissing]
Ohh!
[Groaning]
- Oh, no!
I'm too late!
[Bell dings]
Speedy!
[Gasps]
- Surprise!
- Aww, I missed it!
- Happy early birthday, Daffy!
Piggy was planning to throw this on your actual birthday,
but he called and said we'd have to do it tonight
because you were getting suspicious.
You're lucky to have such a nice friend.
- Nice friend?
Or the suburban strangler!
- [All gasping] - The strangler?
Que que?
- I'm not the suburban strangler!
- He trapped me in his home!
He locked the door so I couldn't escape!
- What?!
The door wasn't locked.
Well, then, how come
I couldn't just open it, like this?
[Grunting]
- No. Just pull it, man.
It's not that heavy.
Kids use it all the time, little kids!
[Groaning]
[Exhales]
- It doesn't matter.
What does matter
is that you cut the phone line
so I couldn't call for help!
- Are you talking about the phone in the guest room?
It's an antique!
It's just for decoration.
- Then how do you explain the blood on your hands?
- This is paint.
For the banner I made for your party.
You may have all these people fooled,
but I saw you murder a woman!
- What?!
- With a chainsaw!
That was an ice sculpture.
Of you!
- [Bell dings] - What's going on?
Daffy's surprise party.
I thought that was supposed to be next week.
[Sighs]
- We interrupt this program with a special alert.
The suburban strangler has been captured.
- You got to admit, there's a strong resemblance.
Am I right?!
- If anyone's going to murder you, it's me.
- What's that thing?
- Don't worry, I'm getting rid of it.
I got your pizza.
What is this?
- I didn't know when you'd be back, so I ordered Chinese food.
You want some?
Mmm. Mmm!
You can really taste the kung pao.
It is strong.
Mmm. Mmm.
- Oh, no.
You're not getting rid of this.
I'm never walking upstairs again.
[Beep] [Whirring]
Sync and correction by Mlmlte www.addic7ed.com
This is the final WEB-DL Synchronize and correction
Special thanks to jasonnguyen2606
who did all those lately WEB-DL sync for The Looney Tunes Show
[WB shield open]
- I still think Porky's a murderer
- Height? - 3'6".
We'll put 6'3". Weight?
I don't know. It fluctuates.
Uh, 80?
100.
You're 6-foot-3. We'll put 185.
Are you sure about this?
Trust me, I'm an expert at online dating.
But what's gonna happen when I finally meet one of these women?
Won't they be disappointed?
Any woman that goes out with Porky Pig
Is gonna be disappointed no matter what.
Which brings us to your name.
We can keep pig or Porky, but we can't keep both.
[Sighs] Keep Porky.
Keep Pig?
You know what, let's dump them both.
Your name's Lorenzo Vilagairirosa.
There, you're done.
What about my picture?
But you can hardly see me.
Precisely, Lorenzo.
The Looney Tunes Show Season 1, Episode 26- Point, Laser, Point!
Sync and corrected by www.addic7ed.com Edit and correction by jasonnguyen2606
It's been almost an hour and no one's clicked on my profile.
I knew we shouldn't have included a picture.
What's up, doc?
Daffy set me up on a dating website.
[Chomps and spits]
Did you ever think to come to me for this kind of thing?
It doesn't matter anyway.
No one's interested.
[Computer beeps]
Uh, Porky, I think someone's interested.
- "Hello. I like your profile."
[Gasps] Wow.
"Thanks for your--"
What are you doing?
Don't write her back until you know what she looks like.
- [Computer beeps] - [All gasp]
Granny?
Granny's on a dating website?
I'm on a dating website.
She must be lonely.
I'm lonely.
Yeah, but lives in a big house all by herself.
I live in a big house all by myself.
At least she has pets.
Huh, maybe I should get a pet.
What? Pets are people who have no hope
Of finding another adult who will love them.
Huh. Now that I put it that way,
You should definitely get a pet.
My computer.
And Lorenzo seemed like such a nice man.
I can't just spend all my time with a cat and a bird.
- [Rash] - Oh! Sylvester!
Stop chasing, Tweety bird.
If you need something to do,
Why don't you play with one of those cat toys I bought you?
[Laughs] Look, Sylvester,
It's a mouse.
You're kidding me, right?
I can see the string.
What about this one?
And this is fun because?
Let's see what else I have here.
A pen?
Ooh, are we going to balance your checkbook?
Fun.
[Gasps]
Ahh! Ahh! Ahh!
Ahh! Where did it go?
Aah!
Now it's over there.
How did it get over there?
[Laughing]
[Panting]
It's like a bird, a mouse,
and a can of tuna all mixed up into a perfect red dot.
A-ha! Gotcha!
You're mine, all mine.
I'm never gonna let you go.
What the?
Remind me again why we're doing this?
Because she's a little old lady
With no one to keep her company but a cat and a bird.
So now she's gonna hang out with a duck and a rabbit?
[Scoffs] Seems like a lateral move.
We're her neighbors.
It's the right thing to do.
Oh, hello.
[Stammers] All right. Knock of the pleasantries, grandma.
We know you're lonely, so let's go do something and get it over with.
Hmm.
Spending time with a rabbit and a duck
Instead of a cat and a bird.
Oh, seems like a lateral move.
Huh?
Oh, I mean, I'd love some company.
I was just about to go sailing.
Sailing? You sail?
[Chuckles] Every weekend.
Sailing. This is gonna be fun.
[Clicks]
Little air back here.
[Turns engine on]
Oh, my.
Oh, little red dot. Where are you?
Hmm.
[Pills rattle]
Ahh.
[Glass shatters]
Hmm! Where is that red dot?
Where is that yellow bird?
Take that, you nasty old zombie.
[Video game noises]
Aah!
Oh, he got me.
That makes two of us.
Before you eat me,
Will you grant me one last request?
I suppose so.
After all, I'm an animal, not a monster.
Will you hand me that?
What, this pen?
Ha ha! What are you gonna do,
Write out your last will and testament?
[Gasps] Ohh!
My red dot is back.
Go on, go get it.
Oh, it's over there, putty cat.
Oops, I was wrong. It's over there.
Oh, much improved.
I don't even want it, but I gotta have it.
I don't even know what it is,
But I need it. Huh?
Yoo-hoo!
[Gulps] Mother.
[Blabbering]
Whoa!
What's wrong with me?
I can't do anything but think about that red dot.
Aah!
Oh, look, a kitty.
Aah!
I need help!
How fortuitous.
How serendipitous.
How propitious.
Best class I ever took.
[Horns honking]
Great day in the morning.
I'm gonna be sick and I'm not even on the boat yet.
We're here.
Let's start sailing.
Where's the ocean?
Yard sailing.
We should have just let Porky go out with her.
[Buzzer]
Ahem.
You Sylvester?
Ok, right this way, baby.
Uh, good luck,
You know, with whatever you're going through.
Hey, Pinky, can I get you something?
♪ It's Saturday night
and I've got a full place ♪
♪ But you're ruining the vibe
with your lonely face ♪
♪ Seating alone in a booth built for six ♪
♪ Doing sudoku won't get you chicks ♪
♪ You're not the most hopeless case in the world ♪
♪ You just have to chance your approach to the girls ♪
♪ They do not care about dungeons and dragons ♪
♪ Creepy ♪
♪ They don't to hear about these tales you know ♪
♪ They don't care about how many comic books you own ♪
♪ If you tell them you will not get them on the phone ♪
♪ So no more spending Friday nights at home ♪
♪ Eat ice cream all alone ♪
♪ Sitting in your easy chair ♪
♪ Beating yourself at Solitaire ♪
♪ I don't care what's on TV ♪
♪ Come hit the town with me ♪
♪ It will be the mom to meet a girl that's not your mom ♪
♪ You are not allowed to call action figures friends ♪
♪ Get some exercise, pull-ups and deep knee bends ♪
♪ Go to parties and show us just how good you look ♪
♪ Do not stay at home reading Harry Potter books ♪
♪ Groove with me ♪
♪ Girls like to laugh and girls like to dance ♪
♪ But most of all girls like guys that wear pants ♪
♪ So let's get some shoes that don't look like your feet ♪
♪ Grow a beard, get a perm ♪
and strut in the street ♪
♪ If you do this, you will not longer be a dud ♪
♪ Underneath that nerd I know that there is a stud ♪
♪ Loosen up and try to go out and have some fun ♪
♪ So you're not a creepy guy at a table for one ♪
- Hey, Porky, sorry we're late.
- Or maybe just keep doing what you're doing.
Old people are the worst.
All they do is sit around, watch TV, and eat gross food.
Are you eating porridge?
It's easier on my soft teeth.
Poor Granny.
She needs some excitement in her life.
Come on, Daffy.
Ugh! Fine.
[Groans]
My hip.
[Gunshots]
[Siren]
[Laughter]
You see, your conscious mind
Is fixated on the red dot.
Now, let's see what's going on in zour unconscious mind.
You're getting very sleepy.
When I snap my fingers,
You're gonna be all hypnotized.
This will never work.
[Snaps]
[Snoring]
I want you to imagine yourself at home.
You're in your happy place.
Tell me about your childhood.
[Laughing]
[Laughter]
Alan.
Yes?
Sylvester.
Yes?
Supper.
[Both] Supper!
[Gasps]
Ha ha ha!
Mother! Mother!
Mother!
Hmm?
It's OK, baby, you figured it out.
It's not the red dot that you want, it's your mama.
I haven't seen her since she retired to Florida.
Well, you need to go see her, honey.
How am I gonna get there?
Child, I'm not a witch for nothing.
Florida, Florida, Florida.
Mmm-mmm-mmm.
I have got to start asking for payment up front.
Ahh. Sunny Florida.
Now, which one of these condos
Belongs to my--
Mother?
Who knew living across the street
From a lonely old woman could be so much fun.
What do you think we should do with Granny today,
Deep sea fishing or hot yoga?
I was thinking about some old-fashion tackle football.
Ooh.
Oh, you two.
Are you ready for another day of fun?
Hmm? Hmm?
Hmm.
Oh, I'm afraid I have other plans.
Other plans? We're your only friends.
Oh. Well, it's time for my nap.
Your nap?
You go to bed at 4:30 in the afternoon.
Get your jockstrap, Granny, we're playing football.
Are you two trying to kill me?
[Both] What?
Listen, I'm a 90-year-old woman.
I shouldn't be in a kayak.
Well, what do you want to do? And don't say sailing.
Oh, I think I'd like to just lie on the beach somewhere.
Great! Let's do it.
Look, you two are very sweet,
But you're also exhausting.
Hot yoga?
Oh, Sylvester!
So you do know where I live.
That's interesting,
Considering you never visit me.
Oh, um, I--
Close the door.
What do you want, me to air condition all of Florida?
- Sorry. - [Doorbell rings]
Oh, that's my Alan now.
Sylvester, what a surprise.
How long are you in town?
As long as mother will have me.
Well, I wish you would have called
Because I have bridge at 11:00,
Water aerobics at noon,
And then Estelle and I walk the mall.
Yeesh.
And I thought Tweety's voice was annoying.
Don't you see, baby,
It's a textbook case of denial.
Huh?
You want Sylvester to chase you.
I do?
I do!
Well, then what are you waiting for?
Florida, Florida, Florida.
Mmm-mmm-mmm. I've done it again.
Isn't that that little yellow bird you used to chase?
You still haven't caught him?
He's smarter than he looks.
Maybe if you'd spent a little less time
Chasing that bird,
You'd have made something of yourself by now, huh?
Why aren't you married?
Where are my grandcats?
And what's with your teeth? They're all mangled.
You don't wear the retainer, do you?
Wow, listen to her go.
What I wouldn't give to be back home with Granny
Chasing that red dot.
Retainer cost a pretty penny.
And all the dentist said was
If he wears the retainer, he'll have perfect teeth.
And did you wear the retainer?
Who needs a red dot when I've got a yellow bird?
Now, if you'll excuse me,
It's time for me to go home.
Oh, this is much better.
Although it feels like something's missing.
Uhh!
- Oh, Sylvester. - Granny!
Tweety?
Mwah! Mwah! Mwah!
Mwah! Mwah!
Turns out I like spending my time with a cat and a bird.
It's better than spending it with a duck and a rabbit.
Granny's missing out.
[Ding]
Meep Meep!
[Camera shutter clicks]
[Grumbling]
[Thud]
[Bang]
Meep Meep!
I don't think you understand.
You're my pet.
I'm supposed to give you food, not be your food.
Do you hear me?
Hello?
Bad snake!
Sync and corected by www.addic7ed.com Edit and correction by jasonnguyen2606